A few weeks ago I wrote a love letter to my single sisters in Christ. Today, I felt inspired to write to my friends that want to quit their job. I hope this speaks to their frustration and confusion as much as it provides them with hope.

My disillusioned sister,

I am so sorry to hear work has been tough lately. I know that feeling of being in the slog and it is decidedly unpleasant. I’ve been there, wondering how I ended up where I am and wondering whether I missed the sign for the off-ramp before I got here.

Reflecting on the journey

As you know, we don’t go into jobs thinking they will be immoral, mind-numbing, or soul-crushing. We go in hopeful, believing that we will make a difference, create something of value, and serve a purpose.

This desire is universal.

The love of making the perfect latte, writing a top notch blog post, or crafting the most compelling deck are all founded in that same desire. It is one that is worth pursuing.

Thinking back, the beginning was a bit of a honeymoon period, wasn’t it? The travel was exciting, the work was new, and the challenges were anticipated. You felt alive in those moments where you finally hit the sweet spot of your passion and opportunity.

Whether this season of thankfulness and appreciation lasted five minutes or five years, you now feel quite distant from that initial place.

You almost wonder if it was a mirage the whole time.

How did I end up here? you might be wondering. Was it ever as good as I thought? the cynic in you accuses.

I think more often than not, it probably was. However, you were also likely missing the warning signs hinting that unhappiness lies ahead.

You see, no one gets into the predicament you’re in - daydreaming about walking out the door and never coming back – without traveling a road of denial and increasing disappointment.

That’s not to say that you are unjustified in your frustration and resentment. I actually think it's the opposite. However, you also likely didn’t realize or acknowledge it as it was happening, which is why you are where you are.

Depending on how self-reflective you are, I think the answer can be found directly by looking at your current job. What makes you stressed? What gives you the “sunday scaries”? Who or what makes your excited about your job?

An indirect route would be to look at what you want to do – work in marketing, on church staff, as a teacher or missionary, etc. – and ask yourself how that job solves the discontentment of your current job. How does teaching address the concerns of your current desk job? How does working in corporate America impact your work-life balance compared to your experiences in the restaurant business?

Contemplating work's godliness

I know that we discussed it earlier when I quoted Tim Keller’s book Every Good Endeavor in this post, but God made us to work and it was good.

Your misery is not because work is meant to be painful or because this is just how it’s supposed to be.

Work is meant to glorify God and our participation and heart is an essential part.  

It is almost as if our work is a sacrifice to Him as to say Lord, I accepted the role and associated responsibilities of this job. I committed to completing the tasks asked of me and I do it with joy because you made this work, this company, these people, and the thoughts in my head that enable me to complete my job.

To you, that might seem like nonsense at this point, so close to the edge.

I guess I say it to remind you of the ideal with the hopes that together we can determine whether there is a way to salvage this situation instead of cutting and running.

I’m not going to lie. It’s really hard to get back to where you were. I would actually venture to say that you can’t actually go back to your initial thoughts about your job. You are different. You are changed in ways that are irreversible.

With experience, you are wiser and more aware of your desires. I actually think this is a good thing! 

Learning lessons in the Valley

I have a challenge for you. I know you’re probably beyond exhausted and so over it, but I want you to stick with me okay?

Let’s imagine for a second that you’re at your wit’s end. (This is likely the case otherwise you wouldn’t have clicked to read this post!)

What if God knew this entire scenario was happening and He explicitly wants you to learn something important here?

Does that possibility give you perspective or make you mad at Him for letting this awfulness happen?

My take is that we learn the most about ourselves when we’re pushed to our limits and I can vouch for the fact that the valleys are most often where our limits are reached.

There is nowhere to go but up and that feels impossible, tiring, and definitively unworthy of the journey.

I think giving up is so tempting. I’ve had enough! You say. I was made for more than this. Your heart yells.

A big revelation for me is that anger is actually reflection of my own needs and desires not being met. 

Mad that your boss is a jerk? You’re likely upset that you are not receiving the respect you feel you deserve.

Disappointed that you were overlooked for that promotion? You wish someone would see your true value.

Sick of staring at a computer screen and writing about stupid things? You want to do something with purpose that sets your soul on fire.

I think knowing the root why makes it infinitely easier to figure out what to do from here.

Press into why you think God has brought you to this place. There might be a purpose that takes your misery and redeems it for good, leading to greater sanctification. 

Talking yourself off the ledge

The way I see it, you have two options. You either commit to leaving or you stay and try to make it work.

It’s akin to the boyfriend you’ve been growing apart from but also haven’t been confiding in anymore. You’ve lost trust in the mission and disillusionment has undermined all the memories and good experiences you’ve shared.

The questions I would ask you is this: do you think it can change?

I know, I know. You started saying NO before I even finished posing the question.

Here’s the thing though, if you’re planning on jumping ship regardless why not at least try to ask for your imaginary bucket list?

I do not mean this as a bribe but as a genuine effort to see whether clear communication, specific changes, and a positive outlook can give your job a second chance.

You did pick it for a good reason initially, after all.

So if your chief complaint is back work-life balance, request limiting emails and after-hours phone “emergency” calls. For the girl that works at a desk that faces the wall and never sees the sun, investigate telecommuting policies, suggest out of the box projects, and request increased flexibility. For those that didn’t get the bonus or promotion that you felt you deserved, request face time with the top person in your group and ask for an explanation for why you aren't there yet or posit why you deserve it now.

At the end of the day, the answer to every question we don’t ask is no. Why not at least stretch ourselves a bit by at least asking for what we really want?

Succumbing to hopelessness

I’m not mad, you say. I’m disappointed about how I’ve been treated. I want to like my work and this company, but I can’t get passed the hurt of being overlooked, under appreciated, and forgotten.

Girl, I hear you. This is such a heartbreaking position to be in.

I am here to tell you that there is hope. Just as in life when there are way more people that care and love you than you can list on a bad day, your work involves so many people that value you and would absolutely notice your absence if you were no longer there.

I think if they know how close you are to leaving it would give them pause.

It reminds me of Judy Greer’s character, “Erin the File Girl”, in the 2000 movie What Women Want (I may or may not have watched this film last night as "research"). Once Mel Gibson’s character could read women’s minds he picked up on her increasing discontentment and invisibility.

She wasn’t angry. She felt defeated, quipping at one point “I predict that no one will even know I’m gone until the files start to build”.

If you are in this place, you need to tell someone. I don’t care who it is – your sister, your dad, a coworker you trust, or your mentor.

You owe it to yourself to speak up and protect yourself. I don’t mean in a defensive and angry way, although that certainly may be a part of it. It’s more about prioritizing your wellbeing. 

There is no scenario where internalizing discontentment, despair, and frustration is a healthy.

You are too valuable.

Knowing when to go

There will come a point in every person’s career when it’s time to leave. It might be long overdue or it might be at your retirement.

How you handle it is the same: you aim to be as respectful as possible and do the most - within reason - to make sure the team and firm is better off because of your employment. 

It might be impossible to do this, but, as Christians, I think it's important to at least try to do the right thing. Then again, also know that the only person you can control is yourself so do your best and let go of the rest. 

Before I sign off, I want to caution you to check with yourself that you’re not running away from something – long hours, boring assignments, and bad coworkers – but rather going towards something new and life-giving.

The reason I make this point is that discontentment can manifest itself anywhere and the commonality in all instances is you. Unfortunately, you will likely find people that are hard to work with wherever you go. We are all fallen people and it is literally impossible to limit your interactions to only good people.

Just look at Jesus’ life. He didn’t only hang out with the good, kind, healthy people. He was in the trenches with tax collectors and prostitutes. It's not our responsibility to rid ourselves of the "bad" people but rather to press into God to learn how to love these people well despite their flaws and our own. 

I want to leave you with something I try to remind myself of daily: "Attitude is the different between an ordeal and an adventure".

May our attitudes reflect God's unfailing love and mercy.